It is so easy for your self-confidence to leave you the same time your hair does. It is a journey I still struggle with to this day, as so much of being and feeling beautiful and sexy is attached to how we look.
Unfortunately, the way beauty standards have been set up in society have been made to make females feel as though our looks are the main thing that makes us beautiful. There are so many aspects that play a role towards how we feel about this such as what others think of our appearance, how we feel when we look in the mirror, when we dress up and imagine how much nicer it would look with a full head of hair, and the list goes on! It is so normal to feel these emotions and feel a drop in your self-confidence when suffering with hair loss, so if you are reading this please know you are not the only one.
There are times where I have my days and I just don’t feel sexy at all, and there are times where I feel like its bearable and I can go on. I’m not going to say it’ll be okay and you won’t feel these feelings again, because this is a part of the journey, but its about our mindset and what perspectives we implement in order for the ride to become easier!
Your hair does not define you. Yes, it is very easy to make your Alopecia a center of your daily life, but it does not need to be this way. What makes you yourself is your character, everything external is merely an addition to face value and does not identify you as an individual. Ultimately when we remember people what do we remember them for? Not their hair or their body, we remember them for their character. There are so many beautiful people I have met with the most STUNNING hair, but with some not so nice personalities. Your looks only take you so far!
In a society where we are noticed for our looks, whether it be body shape, hair length, skin color; you have to be self-reflective and think about what role you are playing to break those societal standards. I have found it difficult sometimes to not cave in and think ‘’I wish my hair was like that’’ or ‘’I wish I felt normal and just fit in’’, I still do find it difficult to not feel that way. But the truth is, Alopecia is not a form of abnormality nor does it make you any less than that beautiful influencer with a head full of hair and a million followers. Even though it may not feel this way sometimes, you are still equal and you are still a beautiful version of you.
I know the focus of that can only go so far especially when you feel depressive and you don’t really feel like you can relate to that form of advice just as yet. If that is the case, then that’s okay too. I feel like this too sometimes, which is why I want to share some advice below on how to help increase your self-confidence.
Don’t single yourself out!
Whether it be a sleepover, a party, a casual outing or anything else, don’t allow yourself to be restrictive in what you do because of your hair-loss. I have been there and done that so many times and it has only ever increased my depressive state. I used to be really anxious (still can be sometimes) when I would be invited to stay at someone’s house, or when I would be invited to a party where I know all of my friends will be looking stunning and I would just simply not go because I felt like I couldn’t handle being the only different one.
I wear a scarf most of the time to cover my hair loss and always felt like it would be so noticeable that I would be the only one with it on. I assure you, by telling yourself this you are only aiding your self-confidence decrease. I do believe that you shouldn’t force yourself to be in uncomfortable situations, but by doing this again and again you will never be able to break the cycle of feeling like you can’t enjoy activities that you deserve to be a part of just as much as everyone else.
Taking the plunge can be very liberating and I assure you, you’ll feel so proud of yourself for doing so. You deserve to dress up and dance or sing or simply just be present just as much as everyone else does. Don’t deprive yourself of that!
This may sound generic but don’t be afraid to DRESS UP!
Dressing up comes in so many different forms for people. It can be makeup or no makeup, dressing in a bouji outfit or even sweats if that’s your thing, wearing jewelry, and so much more. For me, it’s a mix of everything! Someday's where I know I’m feeling a little less confident, I’ll do my makeup, wear a nice outfit and take some pictures and that will uplift me and remind me, that yes, I AM THAT GIRL! Whereas other days, I’ll just wear some cute pajama’s and a pretty pair of studs and necklaces, spray some perfume on and it’s enough to just uplift me even a little bit whilst being at home bare-scalp and bare-faced. This is sounds so simple, but it genuinely does make a difference. Everyone’s way of dressing up is different, so find what works for you!
Experiment with wigs!
I know that wigs can make a huge difference for some people when it comes to times where they’re not feeling like themselves. The cool thing with wig experimenting is that you can have any style, any color! It can be such a fun process if you allow it to be. I know its not exactly the same as having your hair, but it does help towards restoring some of that confidence on the days where you may need it the most. I will be doing blog post on all things wigs, so look out for that soon!
Be your own best-friend
It's very easy to be a self-critic in a situation to do with hair loss. You can end up telling yourself you're not pretty, you're not normal, you are too different, all of these things you can end up feeding yourself which just contribute to more stress and make our health worse. You need to take measures to start to love yourself again. What helps me, is to journal, self-reflect, write down things that I love about myself and put them in a jar and read them on the bad days, there are so many things that you can do to increase your self-value and understand that there is so much more to you than your hair loss. This truly does help to boost your confidence at times where you feel less than.
It’s about your aura..
I truly believe our confidence and feeling sexy comes with how we carry our self. It genuinely is about your aura! If you carry yourself in a way where you are less than others, you are undeserving of a normal life, you can’t possibly be accepted with your Alopecia, then 9/10 that is how people will treat you. But if you carry yourself in a way where you tell yourself, I AM deserving of doing everything that others do, I am beautiful regardless of looking different than someone else, I am sexy, I am so much more than my hair, then you will start to implement these things into your behaviors and your quality of life will develop. When people ask you about your hair loss, don't reply as if it something to be ashamed of. Be confident and don't be ashamed! You are as normal as anyone else out there. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise.
'' With realization of one's own potential and self-confidence in ones ability, one can build a better world. ''
If you have any other suggestions on how to feel more confident and sexy during a journey like this, then please comment below I would love to hear them!