I'm sure many of my readers can relate that during your journey with Alopecia or any other form of hair loss, you may have received a few ignorant comments and remarks about your condition. Whether they be in the form of advice, criticism, or just genuine attempt to make you feel better, certain comments can actually be more damaging rather than healing. I have put together some very common remarks that I have gotten over the years to create some awareness of other ways people can articulate themselves when trying to help. I hope this is enlightening for some!
'' At least it's not cancer '' '
' Be grateful it's not something worse''
PLEASE do not say this to anyone suffering with hair loss, it does not help and it can come across as a super ignorant remark to make. It is a fact that life can be worse in many aspects for everyone, we all don't have the same problems. However, in no way does that mean that we cannot feel sad, angry or confused about our own situations. It IS possible to be grateful for life as well as validate your own feelings towards your condition. You do not have to choose and it is not a competition.
This can be a very invalidating remark to make to someone, and 9/10 can result in people feeling guilty for having negative emotions about what they are enduring because other's have it worse. No one should feel that way, ever! It is so important that we all support and validate how each other are feeling. Something that is small to you could be the worlds biggest problem to another. We all have different levels of endurance and different perspectives on situations, but in no way should we try to reinforce that upon one another. Hair loss is a very heart-breaking, mentally draining and traumatic thing that differs in experience for everyone. Please be mindful of this and do not invalidate someone else's pain.
'' Don't bother with treatment. Alopecia doesn't have a cure, i'd give up if I was you!''
I have witnessed many people say this to each other in attempt to share their experiences. It is possible to share your hair loss journey without dictating what someone else should do in theirs. Just because something has not worked for you, it is not right to induce lack of hope in someone else with their treatment. For many people, treatment gives them a sense of hope and it's what keeps them going. Even if the treatment does or doesn't work, that is their journey and their experience to go through.
For some people, they have tried everything to help their hair loss and it hasn't worked. For others, they have tried different things and it has worked for them while providing them with full regrowth. We are ALL different, with different bodies, and different responses. If you are someone who has tried a treatment and it hasn't worked, there is nothing wrong with sharing your experience, just don't go out of your way to stop someone in attempting the same thing. Chances could be one in the million for their regrowth, but you don't want to be the person that gets in the way of that one.
Even with their mental state, that possibility of regrowth could be the one thread of faith that is giving them strength to carry on. Please do not take that away from someone as you may not be aware of how badly they need that to keep going in that current time.
Of course, if it is a warning towards a company that's trying to scam or taking advantage of vulnerable people then that's different and you could warn them gently.
''Just shave your last strands off, you'll feel so much better'' ''I'd just do it now if I was you, it'll fall off anyway''
Again, if you had an experience where you shaved off your last bits and it served you positively, you can share your experience without telling someone else what to do. Many people hold on to those last strands of hair because its their last connection left with their hair. Please do not try to force or pressurize someone to shave off their hair if they aren't ready. They are still immensely strong if they are holding onto that.
Of course liberation can come from this act and it has for many people, but it is such a huge decision to make which develops over time at different stages for everyone. It can be extremely damaging to make someone feel like they are ''left behind'' or not that strong if they are not part of those who have decided to shave their head yet. We can encourage one another in so many different ways, pressure does not need to be one of them! If you are someone who is still contemplating or not ready, please understand that you are equally as strong and be patient with yourself. When the time is right, if you're meant to you will. If you're not, you wont - and that's completely okay.
'' I'm so jealous you don't have body hair to deal with!''
Some people really don't appreciate this comment, as much as others say this very light heatedly and their intentions are pure, be mindful who you're saying it too. It can be belittling and to be honest it sometimes doesn't make people feel better! For a lot of people, they would do anything for their hair back, even the body hair. Finding a silver lining is a beautiful thing, but let individuals find it themselves rather than putting them in an awkward position where they may feel obliged to agree with you!
These are just some of the most common comments that people with hair loss tend to deal with, as well as so many more! It's so important to be mindful of how you speak to someone with hair loss and understand that not everyone is in the right mental frame to receive commentary of this nature. If you feel like you may have upset someone with an unintentional remark, speak to them and understand what their boundaries are to avoid any future situations, the more you educate yourself about it the better!